We want ways to keep the spark alive in Christian marriage! It can be hard to find articles on sex in Christian marriage. As my husband and I grew together and got to know each other physically, as well as emotionally and spiritually, we came to understand that every life-giving marriage is connected to the ultimate Life-Giver—the One who made sexual intimacy in marriage to be a holy experience. In , our house caught fire with my newborn daughter and me inside. Trapped by smoke and flames, I was unable to get to my baby in her crib.
I thought such little of myself and gave myself away so many times that I became numb to any kind of emotional connection. Along with how to Spider veins in pregnancy searching for gratification on social media. One of the reasons it creates intimacy is because you have literally nothing to hide from the other person. This blogger couple also writes The Marriage Bed, which focuses all on sex. We work with couples as a couple. If one of you Sexual health christian marriage traveling, schedule a video chat at whatever hour you can. I asked myself the same question! Her tone of voice is honest and upbeat, and she covers a wide range of topics.
Adult search engine peekx. 1. Consistency Cultivates Intimacy
It's thought that sexual activity helps dilate blood vessels, increasing the delivery of oxygen and nutrients to the cells of the body while reducing blood pressure. Comments Join in the conversation on Facebook or Twitter. Sign up for our Free newsletter. But an intimate sacred marriage can sustain a tremendous lifelong sex life. Expert answers to help you navigate bedroom challenges. A potentially ruinous Sexual health christian marriage will grow not diminish by being indulged. What are your concerns? Try any of these techniques to keep sex with your spouse satisfying for both of you. I loved this article. I noticed something about myself recently and I suspect it is common with many people….
Looking for Biblical Christian sex advice you can trust?
- However, some are plagued with guilt because they wonder if what they're doing is sinful.
- As far as the ideal frequency, a study found that general well-being is associated with sexual frequency, but only up to a certain point.
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- I write this post with a bit of pastoral concern: Lisa and I have met some wives and the occasional husband who felt tempted to compromise their faith and even their own sense of sanity because they realized after getting married that their spouse has some sexual hang-ups.
Looking for Biblical Christian sex advice you can trust? My husband and I often find ourselves talking with other couples about our sex lives. He likes to talk about it and has no hesitation bringing it up.
We need to talk about Christian sex, to be able to ask real questions and to be able to get Christian sex advice, both within the marriage as well as with other Christian couples so that we can help one another where needed. In it, she shares tons of funny, fantastic Christian sex advice to help you overcome constant tiredness, overpacked schedules, hurts and hang-ups, and even hormonal imbalances so you and your husband can finally experience the closeness and intimacy you crave.
This helps cover the many costs of running this site. Thank you! I used to wonder how often couples are supposed to have sex in order to have a close marriage. Twice weekly? Who knows? Rather than worry about an exact frequency, try to be generally consistent, whatever that looks like in your relationship.
But both have the same need for consistency. And this is important. Do you feel like every time you get physically intimate it has to be fireworks? At one point we picked up this Christian sex tip: quickies are okay.
Because sometimes, something is better than nothing. Having said that, doing quickies all the time would be really lame and boring. What that means is entirely up to you, but some ideas to mix it up include atmosphere, attire, location and yes, position.
Do they include your sex life? They should. I laughed and told my husband that is exactly what he would have done! Plan dates, trips and romantic evenings at home together with this in mind. My Husband Watches Porn! One of the reasons it creates intimacy is because you have literally nothing to hide from the other person. When something awkward happens, laugh about it together. Sex can bring out a lot of insecurities. You know your dynamic best, so laugh, but be sensitive.
So how do you make all of these Christian sex tips work in your relationship? Keep talk during sex positive, and save the heavy stuff for later. Having a productive conversation about your sex life needs to happen in an atmosphere that is emotionally safe.
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians —14, NIV. Are you comfortable talking about sex in your marriage?
Trends in prostate cancer in the United States. Muise, A. We doubt that God's surprised by the intensity of our sexual desire or of its fulfillment. Email Address. Sex and Happiness. Stress management is also important.
Sexual health christian marriage. Marriage + Sex
Sign up for our free CT Women newsletter: CT's weekly newsletter highlighting the voices of women writers. Jump directly to the content. Issue Archives. Guest Limited Access. Log In Join For Free. Browse Relationships By:. Email Address. Subscribe to the selected newsletters. Newest Articles. Unspoken assumptions may be at the root of conflict and disappointment in your marriage. Many women suffer from pain during intercourse. Guidelines for sorting out a complicated question. Expert answers to help you navigate bedroom challenges.
By nature, sex can last only so long and be performed only so often and sexual chemistry eventually slows down. Sexual desire simply cannot sustain a lifelong marriage. But an intimate sacred marriage can sustain a tremendous lifelong sex life.
You build a healthy sexual relationship by building a healthy marriage on all levels: emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and relationally. As Dr. In other words, a mature marriage is a three legged stool of spiritual, relational, and sexual maturity. My friend Dr. Many of us stumble into marriage as sexually broken people. We think marriage will cure our sexual brokenness, but problems re-arise when we want to express our sexual brokenness as part of our marriage.
Beware of coercive marital sex. Sometimes, men will use sex with their wives to deaden their own pain—anesthetizing themselves—and thus put inordinate physical demands on their spouses.
A potentially ruinous desire will grow not diminish by being indulged. As one example: specialists who I respect have told me that in their work with men who demand anal sex, there are usually two reasons: they are trying to re-live sexual exploitation from when they were young but now they have the power by demanding it, instead of being the victim hurt by it or they are acting out a desire that was cultivated through pornography.
Neither is helpful; neither should be indulged. Healthy sex is mutually affirming in all aspects: spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Douglas Rosenau stresses that a poor body image, sexual shame, repression of healthy sexuality, and sexual immaturity are also aspects of sexual brokenness. In other words, not wanting to do something that is holy can be every bit as much evidence of brokenness as does wanting to do something that is wrong.
The sooner we stop the snowball from rolling, the better chance we have to attain sexual health. Resources are listed below. Sex was created by God to in part produce offspring and renew intimacy between a husband and a wife.
It offers a very pleasurable moment for husband and wife, helping them to cope with and giving them a vacation from mundane or difficult duties in life. It is also comforting, and naturally reduces anxiety. These are all wonderful byproducts of healthy marital sexuality.
Sex is not meant, however, to be used like a drug. Unhealthy sex seeks to numb pain rather than serve your partner with true pleasure. Chains, whips, sadomasochistic games, self-torture, self-strangulation—how can these be pleasurable? The answer is that often they are not. But the associated emotions of fear, risk, danger, and rage are very mood altering. Grim reality exists that we in our cultural denial attempt to avoid and deflect with humor. Our culture no longer laughs at S and M, nor does it make it seem repugnant.
It just puts us in a trance. Rosenau, Sheila Gregoire, and others have been strong dissenting voices against this vicious strain, for which I am very grateful. Christianity is about authenticity, reality, truth, being connected to a real person, and giving real pleasure. The world keeps promoting sex that is all about artificiality, fantasy, deceit, and escaping from reality. No married couple need be ashamed if others think they are being sexual.
Nor do they have to pretend they are something or someone else in order to desire and please each other. She deserves to feel cherished and desired for who she is not who her husband wants her to be. You may realize that, for any number of reasons, your sexual sense of self has become distorted. Maybe from a hook-up culture that promotes porn, a repressive upbringing, trying to medicate pain, or hoping sex can create a shortcut to intimate connection.
Sex should affirm and reaffirm who you are, your sense of worth, your sense of being valued, and your sense of relationship. A healthy sense of your sexual self will promote both a profound sexual intimacy and an amazing sacred marriage full of deep connecting moments. As a side note, one of the ways it does this is to remind us who we are as people on the way to eternity. This post is to unmask unhealthy relating in order to point you elsewhere toward a place of healing and redemption.
I would be interested, however, in general posted comments related to other markers of healthy Christian sexuality. Please help us have a redemptive conversation in the comments below. Doug Rosenau, Dr. Harry Schaumburg, and Dr. Mitch Whitman, who all made many helpful suggestions for this extended blog post.
This is a very difficult and important!!! So many of us grow up knowing sex belongs in marriage but have no tools to deal with sex if and when it happens outside of marriage wanted or unwanted. So many of us suffer and die emotionally in silence or are forced to leave marriages with little support because the church us anti-divorce.
I grew up in the church, went to a Christian college, even seminary, but none of that protected me from being sexually used and abused by a spouse. I noticed something about myself recently and I suspect it is common with many people….. Whether it is discovering an automatic orgasm after looking through a playboy the first time, our the excitement of possibly getting caught making out on the sofa, instead of our sexuality forming WITH our spouse in a holy way, it is formed within sin and the world….
This is why I think so many are unhappy, disconnected, selfish, or disinterested in their sex lives, and why so many variations are sought after…things that reflect, mimic, boarder on, or even cross into that exciting illicit experience. I asked myself the same question! Thanks Gary for this excellent article.
We work with couples as a couple. We have trained under both Dr. Roseneau and Dr. Carnes and have been in our own recovery for over 25 years. We are Christian counselors and sadly, the church today is sexually broken and very few are talking about what is healthy sexuality even today. I thank you for sharing these points. They have really opened up a lot of areas within marriage that alot of people find hard to speak about.
God bless you richly! As someone who had been sexually abused from the age of 5 until 15 years old, I entered my adult years broken and confused. Thank you, Gary, for writing this! Thank you for your powerful share saved by grace! Without getting into a religious argument, Mormons beleive in Christ, as He is central to everything we do. We believe in the Bible and the teachings in the Bible concerning appropriate sexual behavior.
I loved this article. Any Christian regardless of a specific religion can benefit from these teachings.
6 Must-Have Habits for a Healthy Christian Marriage
Christians consider the Bible a fount of ethical teaching—and it is—but some might be surprised at how, well, racy it can get. I have bathed my feet—why should I get them dirty? My love put his hand through the latch hole, and my body ached for him. The Rev. McCleneghan, an associate pastor at Union Church of Hinsdale , a United Church of Christ congregation outside Chicago, wants to ditch frumpish finger-wagging for a theology of sexuality that embraces ethics and an openness to nontraditional unions.
Sin, rather, is about broken promises through infidelity, or harming oneself or others. I think misogyny, assault, and participation in rape culture are sins, but unmarried, consenting adults?
Not necessarily. McCleneghan: Everybody should buy this book. I do, though, think it could be a particular resource for college students and young adults trying to think about what healthy sexuality looks like and what the components of faithful sexual relationships might be.
I think that it can be a resource for like-minded people to share with the older teens in their care, to start conversations they might not know how to have on their own. I also hope pastors will share it with their parishioners who might be preparing to marry, or who have shame around their sexuality, or who are interested in Christian sexual ethics. I hope people will think it is wise and will see me as a trustworthy guide through a complex topic. I think our sexuality is a part of who we are as created by God.
Some folks are gay and some folks are straight and some folks are elsewhere along a spectrum. God, I am convinced, loves variety and diversity. To put it in the language of ethics, marriage is an insufficient norm for good, holy sex.
You need consent, and mutuality, and to honor the agency and particular humanity of all participants. I think God is far less concerned with the physical details of particular acts than the way we treat those with whom we engage in those acts.
I do find that. But as a pastor, and as a Christian, I think the Bible is a book we have to take seriously, if not literally, as a means of learning about God and what is true and good and life-giving. A good part of my day job in ministry is to interpret the Bible alongside the stories of what God is doing in our lives and in our world now. Christians, in not knowing or interpreting the Bible themselves, cede that interpretive responsibility to others, relying on others to tell them what it says.
While my book speaks from a Christian perspective, I think the ethical commitments to love of self and neighbor, to mutuality and consent, and to healthy understandings of pleasure and desire transcend the particularity of any one religious tradition—or nonreligious community. Perhaps the only native of Trenton, N. Boston University moderates comments to facilitate an informed, substantive, civil conversation.
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